I Failed.
Sigh. Let's chalk it up to another life lesson, shall we?
“Well, there goes the rest of my year,” I said to Dave as I snuggled a sick/teething Evie last Monday.
He smiled - that side smirk that says I know and I’m sorry without having to say “I know, and I’m sorry.” That’s what 11 years of marriage gets you: the best inside jokes and our ability to feel seen without having to say a word.
For hours, Evie only wanted to be held. Within the first 15 minutes of balancing my phone in one hand and her back in another, canceled most of my week’s plans and stared down my to-do list for the week and the rest of December. It was fitting that I just recorded a solo episode of And More about calling bullshit to the pressure to be productive during this time of year. It was like I knew I needed to hear the message I was about to blast on the airwaves.
And that was how I failed, friends.
Podcast release Wednesday came and went. The podcast didn’t go out. I didn’t have any brainpower or bandwidth to hit “publish.” My Substack was quiet, the BEAM website wasn’t updated. All social media channels didn’t have any new posts.
If you think I have it all figured out, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I also often hear the question “how do you do it all?” embedded in the statement/assumption of “you have a great team behind you making it all look so seamless.” The answer: I can’t do it all. Yes, I have some colleagues who are pivotal, but at this time, I’m the one hitting publish.
A few years ago, I would’ve spiraled into a full-blown anxiety attack if this had happened. In startup land, I had to slowly justify the need to build a team and budget so that, if a kiddo got sick, it didn’t derail a business or comms strategy. I learned the hard way when I wasn’t able to do a day of pitching and social media because Brendan was in a similar boat as Evie was this week. When I say “the body remembers,” trust me… that same experience was on repeat in my mind all week. (Mind you, this was well before I hired the talented Lestraundra Alfred to transform our social.) Our audience heard crickets, and based on our company’s response, you would think I should be fired. My internal guilt and sabotaging narratives were even worse than my boss’s remarks.
Fast forward to today, I’d like to say I’ve grown, but that would be a bald-faced lie. Did I sink into my chair as I listened to my voice on the radio and realized that I hadn’t scheduled the distribution? Yes. Did my eye start to twitch when I thought about the amount of time I’d spend doing all the promo and marketing on a solo episode from my phone sitting in the bathtub while Evie got her fourth shower steamer of the day? Absolutely.
Did I tailspin? No… I stopped short of that. I realized that my measures of success mean that I can move the goalposts. I started consulting and BEAM to highlight the fact that flexibility can rule the day.
We’re here to change the narrative.
I learned - yet again - that age-old lesson that we all need to ask for help. This time, the help is not in the form of “Can you watch my kids” but “Can you support my vision?” This week’s unplanned downtime and a few key conversations with friends helped me see one very important truth:
Financial support isn’t the end-all-be-all help needed in business. What’s even more beautiful is how you share your gifts, network, and platforms to help this move forward.
I’ve heard from so many of you that you want to support BEAM in big ways, but money is tight. I totally understand that! The last thing I want to do is produce more guilt and alienate anyone who has something to share. BEAM is built by moms and caregivers for moms and caregivers, and I want to make it as easy to be involved as possible.
In the new year, I’m re-launching BEAM’s Founding Membership drive - with a twist. We’re not putting monetary pressure on it. We’re letting you come to the table and share how you want to help, in a way that feels seamless and easy. I’ll be in touch with all of the info in a separate edition
So let’s move those goalposts, yeah?
I might have failed to put up a podcast and recognize the beauty of this community and how it shows up for one another, but I won’t make that mistake again. Let me open up the Oz curtain so you can see what we’re building. LFG.
A Few of My Favorite Things
No, I’m not Oprah, but I like good things too…
Must Listen: Julia Louis Dreyfuss’s newest podcast Wiser Than Me is a riot. I love when a host - especially a notable one - is put in a position to be a fan of their guests. This starts from episode one between Julia and Jane Fonda. TBH, I’d do the same. I might be late to the game, but I love all of the insight and gems I’m getting from each episode.
Must Read: The grannies are going after the book bans! In the latest story by The 19th, an advocacy group called Grandparents for Truth is standing up against censorship, supporting progressive school board candidates, and fighting school policies that ignore the role communities of color and queer people play in society.
Another Must Read/Listen: Stop whatever you’re doing and subscribe to the new
by . You need to check out her newsletter also. You don’t even have to thank me for this one.Must Do: If you are in Seattle, get your butt on a bike at the newly launched Be Here Now studio by my friend Jen Bunder. A veteran of the movement and mindfulness scene and a TikTok star due to her love of Ted Lasso, Jen is masterful at holding space for you to move your body and feel your feelings. The BHN team relaunched cycle classes in the former Burncycle studio in Capitol Hill last weekend with an epic set of rides and an incredible party. Visit them on Instagram and be warned - if you visit me at all, I will take you to a class.
Did You Know…
…I am opening a limited number of consulting spots, even while finishing the memoir’s s**tty first draft, building BEAM, and more. (I realize this isn’t the best post to say “let’s work together” after declaring my failures, but I gotta be authentic, right?!).
These spots don’t open up often, but I wanted to open them up to friends, colleagues, and subscribers first.
What do I do? Glad you asked! After doing content and communications strategy for 20+ years, I’d love to partner in a few ways:
Fractional CSO (Chief Storytelling Officer) for integrated campaigns and business-driving programs
Content director for employee engagement
Holistic communications strategic plans & tactical how-to workshops for your whole team with follow-up editorial training
Let me know if you want to chat!
One Last Thing…
If you need permission to “be” or “feel something that you’ve been avoiding or pushing aside the last few weeks, let this be your permission slip.
I need permission to _______ so that I can ____________.
Permission granted, friends. Onward and upward.
Hell, yes, let’s move those goalposts! Thanks for writing this and your candor, as always. Hope everybody is feeling better, and I wish you a restful and joyous end of the year. ❤️