Introducing: Reading the Room

On outgrowing old containers and bold possibility of living life in vivid color

In fourth grade, we had hermit crabs as class pets. It was a classic early 1990s teacher cliche for a magnet elementary school that emphasized environmental learning in those early STEM days. In many ways, we were figurative guinea pigs for the burgeoning STEM movement, but that’s another story for another time.

Other friends had rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, or fish as class pets. Some of those animals could go home, much to the delight of kids and the dismay of parents. Did we have anything cute and fluffy? No. We had a crustacean that was arguably one of the creepiest, most alien-like creatures you could feasibly contain in an aquarium. And, to our family’s surprise, we were charged with caring for them at home over the winter holiday break.

Have you ever watched a hermit crab outgrow its shell? Sometimes they slither out just before space becomes a little too cramped, their soft bodies lightly scraped by the sandpaper-like shell as they move. Other times, they break the shell altogether, cracking it into pieces, aggressively waving it free while flailing with their 10 legs and violently peeling off pieces with their claws. Molting happens every 12 to 18 months, but no one warned us that these crabs were overdue for their annual shell switch when we brought them home. Even though I had been mesmerized by them since the beginning of our school year, my fascination (and disgust, if I’m honest) grew as I watched one gently slip out of an old shell, its peachy-pink body curl out and fish for a larger shell to call home.

This crab spent an extra four months in a shell that didn’t fit, and it looked relieved when it finally figured out that it had the ability and agency to make a shift.

Why am I thinking about hermit crabs? Funny you should ask. I’ve spent the past few months toying with the idea of shifting. Regardless of what is going on in our world, culture, and more, I’ve found that I have a lot to say, but I don’t have a big enough container. The longer I’ve waited, the more it felt like different ways I show up online and in my writing - here on Substack, on social, and more - felt a bit…outdated.

I sat in the old container, reformatting my memoir and working with Margo Steines, an amazing author and writing coach. Our work together has challenged me to finally give a voice to that peachy-pink part of what I’ve recently accepted in how I navigate the world. Taking Hype House with Leigh Stein was another knock on the door, another prompt for me to get out of my own way and talk about what I’ve discovered is a superpower - something that I’ve kept under wraps for the longest time.

It’s the right time to rename this Substack newsletter and more accurately reflect this journey.

I’d like to introduce you to…

Why Reading the Room?

It’s simple - I’ve been literally “reading” every room I enter since I was a child. When I walk into a space, I don’t just see people, objects, walls - things that normal people experience. I also see a thin layer of colorful lines, shapes, or orbs that surround and bounce between people. This dynamic display is like my mind’s fireworks, bouncing in real time as moods change and winds shift. It’s something only I can see - something I’ve kept hidden, my own secret for the past four decades and a fact I’ve only recently been able to accept.

This phenomenon is called synesthesia - the blending of sensations where some initial spark (or stimulus, in research speak) triggers a person’s alternative sense to fire, allowing them to perceive the world in a way that feels like we’re mixing up our five senses. For some, looking at a specific letter (F, for example) makes them taste chicken even though they didn't have any in their most recent meal. For others, sounds stimulate touch or feeling within their body, letting specific pitched noises feel like needles or fluffy clouds, depending.

My synesthesia: I see other people’s emotions as colors and lines that bob and weave above their heads and between people. I can often accurately map what people are feeling or their personality traits, even if they can’t articulate their own sentiments. Think of it like this: I enter a dinner party, and I suddenly have three times the amount of data to assess a situation. I see my friends and can read their faces, their own personality halos, and the lines buzzing back and forth as snapshots of what they’re feeling at the moment.

I’ll be honest. It’s a lot. As I’ve been restructuring this hybrid memoir with synesthesia research as its central spine, I’ve been sinking deeper into conversations with others and a treasure trove of academic research. It’s given me a language to approach the world with a clearer lens and an overlay of new information.

Here’s what you can expect in READING THE ROOM:

• Weekly essays about life as I’m experiencing it, including commentary on motherhood, caregiving, current culture, mental health, and <gestures wildly> all that is happening with the world

• Insight into how I learn to navigate synesthesia as a lens to view and interact with my little corner of life

• Select questions and writing prompts to help you reconnect with your own stories of emotion, maybe even uncovering your own superpower

• Curated lists what is sparking my joy, and a lot of hot takes

• Creative pep talks - for you, but mostly for myself

Some things you won’t find here: hot takes about what colors you specifically bring to the world. I’m not going to be in the business of “diagnosing” your feelings by color. I’ll wait for you to tell me your emotions as you experience them, ok? Also, not everything will be about synesthesia. Just like you, I contain multitudes, and we have so much to talk about.

It feels good to bust out the shell a bit and remodel this piece of internet home. I hope you’ll join me on this journey.

Have you discovered a way that you’ve been outgrowing the stories or boxes you’ve lived in? I’d love to know how you’re busting out of those edges in the comments!

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