Rising the Tide and Raising Ships
Why can't we all just work together without thinking that scarcity rules the day?
Over the past year, I’ve spent more than 542 hours on the phone with startup founders, non-profit executives, C-suite leaders, CMOs, and big brand product owners. (This doesn’t include podcast interview/prep or the 4 standing weekly or bi-monthly calls I have with my “inner circle” - those that keep me accountable.) Each week, I hear about their highs and lows, the struggles to break through the noise of their markets and the challenges of living and doing business in today’s climate. We often go much deeper as well - their fears for their families, their hopes for next year being just a little bit better than this.
I can tell the climate of the call within the first 3-4 minutes by listening to my body. It may sound woo-woo, but it is a skill I’ve learned is truly one of my superpowers. Most of these exploratory calls are to see if we can build a partnership - either with my consulting practice or with BEAM - and the sense I get early on in our conversation generally splits these opportunities into one of two camps:
Those who believe that there are limited resources for all of us (especially women)
Those who believe there’s more than enough for us all to rise and lift each other as we climb.
There are a few signals that immediately tell where they’re going to fall, but here’s the first one: Whether or not they ask “How can I support you right now?” and follow through within 48-60 hours.
Let me explain.
Over the past two decades of working on comms and content, I’ve often been the person behind the scenes. I started my career working with incredibly loyal individuals, always ensuring we were all recognized for our contributions. I learned the value of giving credit where it’s due, especially in non-profit work because we all strived to meet huge goals for our collective mission. Early in my career, in a very “quietly put in the work and you’ll see the benefits” mode, I was always grateful for the high-fives but never expected them.
When I moved to DC and started to raise my hand and voice more in professional settings, I noticed a new trend. My ideas were taken and credited to someone else. My words were attributed to others. The people who saw how hard I worked - the middle managers alongside me - also saw how defeated I became.
Fast forward to five years ago, and this trend hit a fever pitch, or so I thought. After moving to Seattle and having Brendan, I worked for a string of startups and built my consulting practice within tech and global health. As a consultant, I know that my name will never be public-facing with my work and I’m with that. As a ghostwriter, I know that bylines do not include my name and that’s a part of the game. Yet, it was during this time that I started to see the dichotomy of those who were out to grow their businesses at any expense, and they called it “competition.” They weren’t bringing their teams along and giving them the recognition they deserved, because they “had to be the face of the brand.”
I heard a line similar to “I have to do this because there are so few chances for us (mostly women) to succeed” on a constant loop.
I’ve had my work stolen more times than I could count. I mean, my pitch to a major TV network in a job interview was ripped off within the next few months - let’s say it included a model of large fish with lots of teeth on the side of a building. Seriously.
It wasn’t until I started BEAM that I started reflecting on lessons learned that I realized how “competition in the market” is often code for scarcity. Now, no doubt that it’s challenging for female founders. When the 2.2% of VC funding we get is just not enough to pay the bills or to start a business, it’s infinitely more difficult to champion a brilliant idea and see it come to life. Even when women run successful businesses, there’s a trail of burnout and mental health challenges similar to what Ali Webb describes in her new memoir The Messy Truth (as reported by Fortune and The Broadsheet.)
This is reality - but why is it that we primarily see women talking about this?
My hunch: We’re building businesses within a system that isn’t built for us. And yet, we default to the thinking that we only get a small sliver of the pie and we have to fight for it.
I call bullshit. There’s a different way.
It’s a harder road - one that is a longer play in a world that wants immediate wins. It’s intentionally building a company culture of curiosity and support, not sales by any means necessary. For many mission-driven companies, it’s about being transparent and open by walking the talk.
And - spoiler alert - I’ve seen this approach work! That’s the thing: the founders who are building companies with this mindset aren’t making huge news waves because the “steady and intentional” approach isn’t always the sexiest headline. One of my favorite founders, Susan McPherson, builds every conversation with one specific question: “How can I support you?” I watch
, a woman I greatly admire, building longer tables, bringing women to her Fairway dinners as well as other opportunities, and clearly calling out the “who is your competition?” question by funders as a part of the capitalist mentality that doesn’t work anymore. (You can read more about it on her LinkedIn post here - in that vein, my rebuttal in my investor deck is “We’re building a new way of business that’s collaborative, not competitive.”) We’ve also seen Whitney Wolfe Heard’s masterclass in building an intentional brand by putting women in charge, taking it public, and executing her own succession plan as she evolves in her career. (You have to read this great piece by for Forbes detailing it all.)It can be done.
When we work together, we all win. Rising tides raising ships.
As I evaluate potential partners for BEAM and build this company, I return to my original inner-knowing litmus test with a single question: is this a partnership that will concurrently raise the tide and all of the ships? Will it benefit us all? Or does it feel like the benefits will flow down a one-way street?
Do they ask “How can I support you?” and actually follow through? We need more people to follow through in our lives - in business and beyond.
A Few of My Favorite Things…
Cue the music…drumroll please.
Must Watch: American Symphony on Netflix. I love
and her honesty, grace, and vulnerability of her writing and how she moves through the world (and moves the world in turn). I’m in awe of Jon Batiste, the Grammy award-winning musician and artist, and how his infectious joy punctuates his creative process (one that I aspire to emulate with presence and curiosity). American Symphony is a beautiful love and life story of both heartbreaking moments and encompassing love that they share, and now sharing that with the world. (Go subscribe to Suleika’s please!)Must Read: The New York Times profiled fashion designer and queen of perseverance Maria Cornejo. In chronicling the Chilean designer’s career full of ups and downs, the phrase that struck me the most was how she puts her world into perspective: “It was more just doing my stuff in a quiet way that I believed was best. I’m quite stubborn. I wanted to make wearable clothes that would feel good, but I didn’t want boring mom clothes. The goal was to have a great collection, be able to pay everybody on time. Pay myself. Be home to see my kids. And have a vacation every once in a while.” I second that.
Must Do: My latest obsession is massaging my face every night with my favorite gua sha stone. Seriously. I learned that I collected so much tension on my temples and jawline that my new ritual after the kids go to bed is so freeing. What is something that you can take five minutes to do, just for you this week?
Catch up on And More episodes
Shaping the Narrative of Menopause with Jill Angelo, Founder and CEO of Gennev
Finding Margins to Share Our Stories with yours truly :)
The Power of Moms with Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, Executive Director and CEO of Moms Rising
One Last Thing…
Can you take a few moments to put your hand on your heart and repeat after me? Here we go…
I am enough. I am doing incredible things. I am loved by so many people. I am whole.
Until next time, my loves,
